There are so many times during the day when I think of things I'd like to include here. The right words, the right inflection, the right idea. But then, by the time I'm ready to start typing, its as though a bubble bursts and there's nothing left but air. I suppose, of course, its the same for lots of others. We can't always be as eloquent and impassioned as we'd like.
Part of our life this weekend is the prospect of another angiogram for Hubby bright and early Monday morning. He's been having these symptoms of problems for several weeks now and they are getting worse. If I let myself dwell on his medical issues, it gets me very discouraged. As I look back, it seems as if fate was directing our every move in preparation for this time in our lives. That realization, however, does not make it any easier for me to accept.
In 2008, it was exactly 10 days after we returned from an extended (4 months, over 14,000 miles) trip to Alaska that Hubby wound up in the hospital the first time with heart problems. Obviously, they had been developing for some time, but there had been no symptoms that would alert us that he had a problem. Since he is 11 years older than me, I had expected he would encounter health issues at some point, but certainly not at the age of 67!!! Thus far, he's had 8 (I think) angiograms, has 8 stents, and has regularly had pain and discomfort. There is pervasive artery disease, and even with cholesterol levels much lower than I could ever imagine, his arteries keep clogging. Who knows what this round will bring.
I won't even mention the other significant medical issues we've dealt with for the last year, and which he may be facing again.
As a result of these issues, our travels have been severely curtailed and our activities have dwindled to a precious few as Hubby's physical activity has been severely limited.
Although these comments may sound like complaints, believe me when I say that I realize how extraordinarily blessed I am to have the life I do. Growing up a very poor farm girl in Florida, I never envisioned a fraction of the experiences I've enjoyed. I'm trying very hard to keep things in perspective and realize that even though these are serious conditions, there are so many other folks with even worse things to deal with.
I am also trying very hard to concentrate on the beauty that is around me.
I'm trying to forge better connections with my family. And I'd like very much to be able to develop roots and not feel as though I'm waiting for my life to happen.
Y'all take care.
Y'all take care.